Glass Cieling !
NOTE: This is my experience and no exaggeration involved. It is not intend to hurt anyone, but I am afraid it might do.
Scene 1
Place : German Consulate, Chennai.
Date : June, 2004
The stage was comfortably set for the visa interviewer (this person will be referred as `she` in the following text) and not for people like me waiting for the interview. Never mind. That was not an exception.
She : Hi..Give me the documents.
Me : Hee hee hee ( with a stupid smile the document goes to her hand )
She : Ok.Fine. Why do you want to go to Germany?
Me : (If my uncle was the Consulate General, I would have answered in a different way)
Well. Madam. I have completed my bachelor degree and worked for around two years
in the industry. Now I feel that I need to enrich my technical knowledge in my field.
More than that the kind of international exposure and the experience that I will be
acquire from people from different culture will definitely mould my personality in a
better way.( and some more bla blas about culture and exposure)
(let us stop here as this post is all about what I just told her )
Did I really mean what I told her? To be honest… NO. But it is true that I was thrilled to go to a western country and experience new things(God knows what the new things are !). But the ultimate reason was go-abroad-earn money-be happy attitude. This might be because in my society, vitamin M deficiency ( I mean .. money )seems to be the major cause for most of the problem. (Let me not discuss about this here).
I was extremely happy to see so many of my fellow men in Germany and I was lucky to live with two of my close friends ( they take the root back to my schooldays ). Two semesters…….went off in a one hundredth of a second. Was busy with lectures…evening spend on preparing delicious dinner (one of my friends is a great cook)…movies…( including all 3rd rated tamil moives ) and weekends with German beer, food-mela and with some more bull shit movies. Once in a while we go to temple ( though we pray, the main reason to go there is the nice food they serve there ).
This is almost the same kind of lifestyle that my friends in other countries live. Be it in US or UK or Ausi or Newzi or Sweden or any Goddamn country, it is the same. A year passed. Did my stay made any difference in my attitude or helped to experience something which I have never been exposed to? Answer is a big NO. The only change that I could find in myself is that I put on some weight (before I came here, I was like a karuvaadu.), my complexion has increased a bit (courtesy –nice weather). I visited some famous tourist places and took pictures. Did I learned something about western culture? NO. Did I experience the kind of life these people live? NO. About their attitude? NO. About their anything? .. The answer is NO,NO and only NO. Does my stay is worth? NO.
The cause is simple. I put myself into a closed circle and unfortunately that circle never grew. I wasn’t brave enough to step out. This is because some of my fellow students who stepped out of this circle were tagged as “Person to spoil out country name” or something like “He deserves to be hated”. It took some time for me to realize that it is a pity. Majority of us who come to an alien land do not REALLY carry the attitude to get mingle with western people or people from other nation. I am still looking a palatable reason. If you have one, please do let me know. We don’t have a reason because our attitude has got a big scar on it.
I’m stop now.( I’m getting mad).
We live in a western society. I accept. But we live under a glass ceiling. You can see everything, but cannot really feel anything. It took me almost a year to break the glass ceiling and to come out.
Soon I will share about my life in the real western society.
Thanks.
You hate this blog? That’s cool. Do let me know why?
Scene 1
Place : German Consulate, Chennai.
Date : June, 2004
The stage was comfortably set for the visa interviewer (this person will be referred as `she` in the following text) and not for people like me waiting for the interview. Never mind. That was not an exception.
She : Hi..Give me the documents.
Me : Hee hee hee ( with a stupid smile the document goes to her hand )
She : Ok.Fine. Why do you want to go to Germany?
Me : (If my uncle was the Consulate General, I would have answered in a different way)
Well. Madam. I have completed my bachelor degree and worked for around two years
in the industry. Now I feel that I need to enrich my technical knowledge in my field.
More than that the kind of international exposure and the experience that I will be
acquire from people from different culture will definitely mould my personality in a
better way.( and some more bla blas about culture and exposure)
(let us stop here as this post is all about what I just told her )
Did I really mean what I told her? To be honest… NO. But it is true that I was thrilled to go to a western country and experience new things(God knows what the new things are !). But the ultimate reason was go-abroad-earn money-be happy attitude. This might be because in my society, vitamin M deficiency ( I mean .. money )seems to be the major cause for most of the problem. (Let me not discuss about this here).
I was extremely happy to see so many of my fellow men in Germany and I was lucky to live with two of my close friends ( they take the root back to my schooldays ). Two semesters…….went off in a one hundredth of a second. Was busy with lectures…evening spend on preparing delicious dinner (one of my friends is a great cook)…movies…( including all 3rd rated tamil moives ) and weekends with German beer, food-mela and with some more bull shit movies. Once in a while we go to temple ( though we pray, the main reason to go there is the nice food they serve there ).
This is almost the same kind of lifestyle that my friends in other countries live. Be it in US or UK or Ausi or Newzi or Sweden or any Goddamn country, it is the same. A year passed. Did my stay made any difference in my attitude or helped to experience something which I have never been exposed to? Answer is a big NO. The only change that I could find in myself is that I put on some weight (before I came here, I was like a karuvaadu.), my complexion has increased a bit (courtesy –nice weather). I visited some famous tourist places and took pictures. Did I learned something about western culture? NO. Did I experience the kind of life these people live? NO. About their attitude? NO. About their anything? .. The answer is NO,NO and only NO. Does my stay is worth? NO.
The cause is simple. I put myself into a closed circle and unfortunately that circle never grew. I wasn’t brave enough to step out. This is because some of my fellow students who stepped out of this circle were tagged as “Person to spoil out country name” or something like “He deserves to be hated”. It took some time for me to realize that it is a pity. Majority of us who come to an alien land do not REALLY carry the attitude to get mingle with western people or people from other nation. I am still looking a palatable reason. If you have one, please do let me know. We don’t have a reason because our attitude has got a big scar on it.
I’m stop now.( I’m getting mad).
We live in a western society. I accept. But we live under a glass ceiling. You can see everything, but cannot really feel anything. It took me almost a year to break the glass ceiling and to come out.
Soon I will share about my life in the real western society.
Thanks.
You hate this blog? That’s cool. Do let me know why?
posted by Dubakoor at
11:32 AM
10 Comments:
Salli.. right on target!! U put that right. This phenomena affects ppl like us also who come abroad for work..we have all this pre-concieved notions about people for other cultures/regions. We never take the lead to go across to the other side of the fence..break ice and make new friends!! A year has been passed.. I havent made more than a handful of friends outside the "desi" group... weekends are spend in potlucks and eat outs with friends (read INDIAN friends)... Looking forward to ur blogs on your tryst with western crowd.. and u bet it is indeed high time we break this... adios.. Arif
By
Anonymous, at 8:32 PM
Jafar
My view may be AGAINST yours, nevermind, I love to argue for any damn topic. If you would have started your blog in different way then my critic would have been "Yaadhum Oore yaavarum Kelir", "Thirai kadalodiyum Thiraviyam Thedu" etc.,
Now comoing to the topic, Every Geographical location has its own pros and cons, One can't change his/her own culture, society or lifestyle overnight, even if he/she changes also, according to me he/she is a mere pretender.
I would say there are some limitations where we can't proceed further to explore/experience the western culture, Again it depends on person-person. some are Due to the 21 solid years of hailing experience back home, cultural sentiments, religious beliefs etc., it is very difficult to change ourselves from those. I don't know what level of exposure or experience you are looking for., If you are DON'T CARE person then the world is yours..You the MAN. If you have some sentis/morals then I am sorry.
Also there is no urgent necessity to model ourselves, unless we come from ancient tribal community. I don't want to eat hard burgers, sandwiches or salads unless I really love/like them. Feel yourself comfortable and Be Natural. Due to our Global presence, Luckily we are getting everything everywhere...
Evenif I become American citizen and raise my kids here in this western society, My grandson will still be identified as an INDIAN American, unless he changes himself like Michael Jackson. The same case for other US citizens too who settled here some 200 yrs back, still identified as French American, Scottish American, African American etc., Hope the same case with the rest of the world.
My Embarassaing moments(some)- When I have been invited for an American party and serving Alchohol/Pork. Talking/emphasizing bad things about INDIA/rest of the world, asif they are the best. Who/Where is your Girl friend, Living with 2 other guys?(Sounds like Gays) etc.,
But I got used to these situations and learnt how to manage it effectively. The parties may not be a big happening, but I make them feel comfortable with my talkative talents.
Having spent 4 years at US, I am proud that I have aquired high degree of Patriotism, Passion for Indian culture and Classical Tamil, Religious fulfillments all of which i wouldn't/mightn't have sensed at this level back home.
I feel eating Dosa/Briyani, remembering events back home, watching tamil movies and chatting with desi friends in our colloquial language in an American environment are HEAVENLY experience than namesake/artificial western cultural experience. The former one like my BIO-DATA(Real) and later is like Resume(Can get me a job by exaggeration)
To summarize, I strongly feel it is the time to realize our own Cultural strengths and Weaknesses by experiencing Western culture with our own level of boundaries. The more you explore others the more you realize OURS.
By
Anonymous, at 12:47 PM
Thanks mates. Really happy to see ur comments. From Jafar`s comments, I realised that I failed to put forth my ideas clearly. Let me take a chance.
Well..Jafar as u said ur comments are not against mine. I found the following line in ur post The more you explore others, the more you realize OURS Thatz what my point is.
* I never asked to CHANGE your cultural believes or degrade your cultural values.
* I never mentioned that western culture is good and others not.
* I never said that you need to change your food/drinking habbits or things like that.
My point is.. we should be ready to spread and not always huddle ourselves. I like to mention an incident. When I was in Rome, one of my American friend never tried pizza ,pasta or any typical Italian food. She always looked for Hot Dogs n McD s. When I asked her, she told, "when I can get HotDogs, why should I eat pizzas?". Im against such attitute. After I tried the Italian cusines in Italy, all my myths abt pizzas were proved wrong.( This doesnt mean that I will eat only pizzas).
U said ..Also there is no urgent necessity to model ourselves, unless we come from ancient tribal community.
By this do u mean if u r frm tribal commmunity, u ought to change ? If yes,.. you are contradicting urself.
Finally...Im not against our culture,nor against our believes and and feelings. But against the stubborness, we(desis in West)carry in our mind. Im TOTALLY AGAINST LOSING ONES IDENTITY IN A ALIEN SOCIETY.
Thanks again.
By
Dubakoor, at 1:36 PM
When's the next blog entry coming up ???? Inge yellam waiting la. Cmon pal move it.....:P
By
Anonymous, at 5:55 AM
well, maybe it's time somebody writes from a european point of view.
of course, it's hard for me to imagine how is it to change a continent and try to find myself in other culture. yet, i do think that in general most of the things Samy wrote are true. i've spent some time in different countries in europe and met quite a lot of indian people. very often i couldn't escape a feeling that i'm approaching an enclave. same kind of meetings, same kind of rhythm, same kind of people all the time.
i understand the struggles with european realities or yearning for home but if somebody wants to experience the other culture, it's surely not the way to do it. this kind of communities, aside from all the benefits, usually trap you.
and please, let's not go into some kind of 'i want to save my roots, culture, language' discussion. we are all educated and simply sane enough to realize it and none of us (european or not) would forfeit our inheritage because of leaving/working in any other country.
generally it's something i cannot comprehend as you (forgive me here the collective approach) are usually brilliant workers/scientists, speaking very good english (so the communication issue that for example chinese face so regularly doesn't exist), yet you, more often that not, have troubles adjusting and simply being open and willing to embrace the new culture.
i've talked with Samy about it a number of times already and have no clue whatsoever.
to end up on a high note, i will give one of my favorite gandhi quotes. once, he was asked what he thought of western civilization, to which he calmly answered 'i think it would be a good idea'.;)
By
Anonymous, at 6:50 AM
I'm a little bit confused… First of all I have to admit what Greg wrote, but I put it more general. Every nation in foreign country creates their own small (and also closed) society, some nations are more open, some more “closed” and it works in both ways. I consider Germans to be closed nation for “newcomers”, but you cannot say it about for example Spanish.
You wrote about closed circle in Germany… maybe if you had come to Spain or France this circle would be more open, because local culture is more open in general… . I can’t understand your friends attitude, that if somebody goes out of the circle is “bad” in some ways… for me it’s natural to know other people and other cultures better and to show your culture to them (as you did it with us). During communisms time in Poland there was a movie (“Miś”) and in this movie there is one sentence that fits to this situation:
Volleyball team is going for a tournament do West Germany, and manager of the team speaks to players:
“You are going to the western country, where there is a lot of “pros”, but the main thing is that those “pros” would not cover all “contras” there”. It’s quite funny (sorry for my poor translation), but it’s smart. Germany is the most richest country in Europe – you can see it everywhere (that’s “pro”), but it’s also the most “kwadratisch”* and for me it’s “contra” – all you can gain is a knowledge about leaving there and in my case it was the most important thing I have achieved here…
*) In Germany there is a small chocolate called “Ritter Spor” (http://www.ritter-sport.de/en/index.html) it’s advertised by slogan “kwadratisch praktisch gut” that means square, practical, good. And this phrase fits to German attitude - square (everything must be in order, they are no spontaneous – in general of course)
By
Anonymous, at 12:47 PM
//Be it in US or UK or Ausi or Newzi or Sweden or any Goddamn country//
I agree...nice write up over all, I really enjoyed reading the fact, looked like my personal experience... :-)
By
Syam, at 10:17 AM
Yo, Samy dude..!
I have not read all the comments but only ur blog so this may be a bit out of topic or may be not..read on..!
I hv read so may No's in ur blog.I am pestered by ur No's to say a *NO* to few No's.U mention that the only difference u had seen was that u had put on a few stones...!but that's visually cathching your eye.I tell you what every observation you make(which i know u are good at,since was ur ex roomie) of a forgein gesture it leaves a impression on u and u react the next time unconsciously with a shade of that impression.
Classic Exmaple :
My first day in Germany.I arrived in Hannover airport and had claimed my heavy baggage.I desparately needed a trolley and had no one euro coin to slip in.So I started asking a few Germans / foreginers around for some change (mind you in English).After 5 -6 unsuccessful attempts,I realised that I was being observed by a police officer who waved at me and came upto me with a smile and said u need this putting "a euro coin" in my hand.I queried,how do I pay him back, he said : "I understand that you are in Germany for the first time and hence u could take that as a welcome gift from *us* (he represented a country)".
And for him or for any foreigner you represent INDIA and later as Samy.
Moral : I realised how *important* somtimes your help could be in a foreign environment..! irrespective of whoever is the reciepient.
Thats an impression,and there are 100's of impressions u make and u keep nailing one after the other into ur character to better urself.
I am 100 % sure u had infinite of these encounters and proove me wrong if they haven't displaced ur frame of mind by a micron(min.) everytime.
IMHO these add up and the *outcome* is what ur *BLOG* reflects.
cheers bud..!
By
Anonymous, at 11:02 AM
Vow ...samy..brutally honest...
By
Anonymous, at 7:11 AM
I do share the same thoughts.. Its also a NO, a big NO for me!
By
Kasi Alagappan, at 6:53 AM
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